I caught myself saying "I have to do this, I have to do that" and becoming increasingly stressed out with my ever-growing to-do list.
Then I realized how lucky I am.
I get to unpack all of these amazing clothes I have.
I get to sit in Los Angeles, the most amazing city with so much incredible wellness stuff, in traffic.
I get to answer to all of these emails of lovely people trying to contact me.
We are so lucky we GET to do these things!
Doesn't that feel so different?
Use this linguistic switch and see how it changes your life. Share your experience in the Mind-Body Balancers FB Group.
Connect with me on Instagram @IAmSaharaRose and learn more about mind-body balancing in my book Idiot's Guide to Ayurveda here.
Episode 022 – Changing Your Perspective on the Have To’s
By Sahara Rose
Namaste, it’s Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the “Highest Self” podcast. A place where we discuss what makes you your highest evolvement. Today, I just wanted to share a little finding that kind of came across in my mind today that really changed my perspective on things, and it’s something small, something that we all know, but sometimes just need a little bit of a reminding about.
So let me begin by just telling you how much I hate unpacking. So I was just on my trip to Europe, and I had a big suitcase sitting in the side of my apartment that I really just did not want to touch. And I am the kind of person who will let my filled suitcase sit there for weeks and weeks on end before finally just doing the work to unpack it. Because I know that as soon as I start unpacking it, I’m going to realize I have no space in my closet for any of my clothes, and then I have to clean out my closet, and giving away all these things, and it just turns into a giant massive reorganizing everything I own, and becoming extremely stressed out with how many things I have.
And for me, I can—I can write books, I can answer emails, I can work with clients all day, that’s fine. But organizing my stuff for me is seriously like torture, so if you’re a vatta, you know what I’m talking about. So I told myself that the first Saturday that I’m back I will do all of the organization work that comes around unpacking my bag. So I opened up the bag and literally sand came out. So I knew it was going to be a really long day. So I started organizing with this “oh, like let’s get this over with” attitude. And it was sort of the same attitude you have when you’re about to take a blood test, and you like close your eyes, and you pray that by the time your eyes open, the blood test is done. But the only difference is with unpacking, you actually have to be present as you’re the one engaging in the activity instead of just sitting there and someone doing it for you.
So the task became more and more stressful as I realized how little space I have, and how many things I’m holding onto, and the back of my closet just seemed to keep getting deeper and deeper. And I was like, “Oh my god, these winter boots, what? And this bathing sit.” And all of these things that I realized I had, and it was really stressing me out. So the more I try to just get it over with, the harder it became. And I caught myself at this moment with this mindset of “Oh my god, I have to unpack, I have so many things, this sucks, I want to be outside, it’s Saturday, I’m stuck unpacking all of these things, organizing my space, it’s never going to end. Oh my god, so miserable right now.”
And I caught myself in this moment, and I was like, “Oh my god. How fortunate am I that I have this many clothes. That my biggest problem is what I’m going to do with them all.” Like just think about that for a second. I’m complaining because I have so. many. things. Talk about first world problems. And that got me thinking about other things I complain about.
So, I decided I was going to change the way that I think about these things. And the little switch that I made actually made a world of a difference on how I feel about them, so I want to teach you to do the same. And I just shared this bit on my Instagram story.
So I want you to reframe your words, reframing “have” with “get” and adding “because.” So for an example, instead of “I have to spend all day cleaning out my closet.” Say “I get to clean out my closet because XYZ.” So for any statement, replace the “have” with “get” and add the “because” because we all need a reason why. So I get to spend all day cleaning out my closet because I am so blessed to have so much wonderful clothing. So do you see how that shifted into this “Oh my god, I’m stuck. I have to, I have no choice to, it’s a force.” Versus “Oh my god, this is such an incredible opportunity. I am so blessed for having so many things that I get to spend an entire day going through them, and I still have more that I can’t even get through.” Like for a large percentage of the population, that is not even an imaginable thought.
Another example: instead of “I have to sit in so much traffic to come home every single day,” say, “I get to sit in traffic every day because I live in an incredible city that so many people want to live in. And I see it as a break at the end of my day to pause and reflect in solitude.” So I see a lot of people when they’re sitting in traffic they get so angry and they’re frustrated when it’s something literally out of your control. And by the way, if you hate traffic, you are traffic, too. You’re sitting in your car as well.
So, if we can just flip this into, “Wow, I’m meditating right now.” You know, people are stressed out, sitting in traffic on their way to meditation class, and then they’re sitting there by themselves to meditate, why don’t you just start meditating right now? You’re there by yourself with nothing to do. Like this is such an opportunity to make it into whatever you want.
you can have a singing or dance party
you can answer phone calls
or you can call a friend
you can do so many things.
So it’s changing mindset, too. You get to sit in this traffic and have this time to yourself to do whatever you want. And the fact that this traffic exists shows that there are so many people who want to live in the place that you are living. We are so blessed to live in any place that has traffic because that means that people are flooded to live in these areas. That’s amazing!
So another one, instead of “ugh, I have to go to the gym.” How many times do you hear that? Say, “I get to go to the gym because it’s important for me to exercise my mind and body so I can feel my very best.” Guys, being in Europe, there are not many gyms there. The fact that we have gyms to go to on every corner, like now that I’m back, I’m so appreciative of it here that I can walk to a cycling class, a yoga class, a pilates class, all of these things in my vicinity. When I was in Paris, I had to like take like two trains and go to this yoga class that was like the lady just talked for 30 minutes and wasn’t even teaching, just talking about yoga.
So we are so lucky that we are able to exercise, and go to these gyms, and have these like boutique fitness classes, and Equinoxes, and things that are so out of the average person’s imagination. So don’t see it as “ugh, I have to go work out.” Like, “Yes! I’m so blessed. I have this place I get to go to, to exercise. I can afford to exercise. I have the time of my day to. And I’m going to feel so amazing after.” So that is such an incredible shift, and really changes your entire relationship with exercising, and will make you want to do it more.
So instead of, “hm, I have so many emails to respond to.” Say, “Wow, I get to respond to so many emails because there are so many people that want to communicate with me.” Like that’s amazing that you’re receiving emails, you’re receiving all of these correspondences. So many people want to be in contact with you. That’s such an incredible thing. Maybe you’re starting a business and all of these emails you’re getting are like you’re talking to all of the logistics and people to get your business up and running. Maybe you are a doctor who has tons of people like knocking down your door, and you have all of these new clients or people who want to learn from you. This is an amazing thing.
Like for me, having—I did a whole podcast sort about my DMs, but it was like really stressing me out. Like oh my god, so many people have so many questions for me I can’t deal. Shifting that mindset to, “Wow, I’m so lucky that people are coming to me with their questions, and I’m really fortunate about that.” It doesn’t mean you have to go sit down and talk to every single person one-on-one that wants to talk to you. As much as that would be amazing, we don’t have all the time in the world. But it’s shifting that relationship to, “ugh, this is an annoyance” to “wow, this is a freaking blessing.”
So the first sentence, “I have to,” puts you in the victim mode.
And the second, “I get to,” makes you feel fortunate.
The first, “I have to” makes you feel helpless.
The second, “I get to,” makes you feel powerful.
The first makes you feel scarce.
The second makes you feel abundant.
We have total control over how we want to feel, no matter what life throws at us. If you lose your job, it’s just an opportunity to start your own. End relationship? An opportunity to find a better one. Experience an illness? An opportunity to overcome it and become a healer. I invite you to try this shift in your everyday life. And see the magic that unfolds when you focus on the opportunity that exists in every situation. Namaste.
Episode 022 – Changing Your Perspective on the Have To’s